Princess Kelelo PM Dhlamini
VERBAL abuse is one of the most underrated and overlooked forms of violence which in some cases has the most damaging effects and impact especially on women in Africa.
Most women who experience this form of abuse lose confidence hence it is an important area to look at on the journey “I Heal to Heal Africa”
The Prevalence of Verbal Violence in Africa
In the cultural and societal factors that contribute to violence, verbal violence is so enormous yet we have barely given enough attention to analyse its impact on women’s mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being.
Let me share a little story as an example of what has been normalised in our societies; In one small village, there is a community leader named Nkosi who often makes ignorant derogatory comments about the women in the community. During a village meeting, Nkosi would say things like, Women are not capable of leading, they are too emotional and weak, they should just focus on taking care of their families and leave the decision-making to the men.
One of the women in the community, a young and ambitious entrepreneur named Tanai, one day masters the courage and speaks out against Nkosi’s comment. “That’s not true, Nkosi,” Tanai says. “Women are just as capable as men, and we deserve to be respected and heard.”
Nkosi responds by belittling Tanai, saying, “You think you’re so smart just because you have a small business? You’re just a woman, what do you know about leadership?”
Tanai further feels humiliated and marginalised by Nkosi’s comment, and many of the other women in the community feel the same way.
In reaction to this abuse, the community women have also chosen to retaliate, undermining any idea or decision made by Nkosi because, with his verbal abuse, he has created a toxic environment where women feel disrespected and undervalued.
Now this is how verbal violence perpetuates patriarchal systems and maintains power imbalances.
Verbal violence impacts women’s participation in politics, education, and the economy, and this article seeks to analyse the ripple effects of verbal violence on families, communities, and societies as a whole.
Healing and self-care are essential for women who have experienced verbal violence.
We collectively need to encourage the importance of therapy, support groups, and community-based initiatives in promoting healing and recovery for women, so that we heal our African Continent.
We need to encourage support and provide the necessary tools for women who have overcome verbal violence and are now working towards creating positive change in their communities.
Some women have overcome marriages that had damaged them through verbal violence, we need to make these kind of women pillars of our continent.
One of the strongest women I have met so far is Owethu, who is married to a 35-year-old husband who is a pastor(Mfundisi) and father of their two kids. Â
On the surface, Mfundisi appears to be a loving and supportive partner to his wife, however, behind closed doors, he has a habit of using verbal abuse to belittle and undermine Owethu.
One evening, Owethu returns home from work, exhausted. Mfundisi coldly asks “Owethu, you forgot to buy milk again. What is wrong with you?”
Owethu tries to explain that she had a long day and simply forgot, but Mfundisi cuts her off. “You’re always forgetting things, Owethu. You’re so irresponsible. I don’t know how I ended up with someone like you.”
Mfundisi’s words are like a knife to Owethu’s heart. She feels belittled, humiliated, and worthless. She begins to doubt her own abilities and wonders if she’s indeed as careless and irresponsible as Mfundisi claims.
This is just one example of how verbal abuse can be used to undermine and make someone feel lesser of a person for one to maintain their ego.
Mfundisi’s words are not just hurtful and thoughtless, they also erode Owethu’s confidence and self-esteem.
Now Owethu and Tanai are just a few of the many women who have fallen victim to verbal abuse.
To all men, everywhere, we need you to help restore and play a critical role in creating a safer, more respectful world for women.
For too long, verbal abuse has been used to control, manipulate, and silence women.
It is time for us to take responsibility for our actions and work towards healing and restoration.
An action of accountability on how verbal abuse contributes to the brokenness of women through words will help bring change to our continent.
It’s time for concrete steps to stop verbal abuse and support the women who have been hurt. Let us educate ourselves about the impact of verbal abuse and the importance of promoting healthy relationships, using our privilege and influence to create a more just and equitable society.
We must amplify women’s voices, support their initiatives, and work to dismantle the systems and structures that perpetuate verbal abuse.
Let us work together to break the cycle of verbal abuse and create a world where women are valued, respected, and empowered. We owe it to ourselves, our daughters, our sisters, and our mothers to take action.
Will you join us in this critical work?
Let us travel together on this sacred journey of healing our continent.
With every milestone, it is a duty and priority to realise that you are part of this necessary journey of I heal to heal Africa.
