Story by Tobias Mudzingwa
AS Men’s Health Month draws to a close, men have been encouraged to prioritise being emotionally, mentally, and physically present in the lives of their children.
The call comes amid concerns that many fathers feel overlooked and underappreciated, with some saying mothers often receive most of the recognition for parenting despite the important role fathers play in their children’s lives.
“I love my mother more because she understands my needs better,” a child said.
“I love them both equally because they love me uniquely,” another child said.
“I love my dad more because he is understanding,” a child said.
Children were answering the question, “Who do you love more, your mother or your father.
There are over 15 commemorations on the United Nations calendar that celebrate women and girls, compared to just six for men, one of the reasons why men believe there is bias towards women.
Despite men being the providers at home, children are alleged to love their mothers more, a trend men say is widespread.
“Women will not tell the children that most of the finances being used at home would have been provided for by the father, so they think the dad is not doing much at home,” a man said.
“Socialisation of children is mostly done by women, so the two create a bond that cannot be broken, even when the children get older. So the father is regarded as unavailable,” a husband said.
“Even when they have money, these children will give both parents $5, for example, but behind the scenes, the mother may be given $20 more,” another man said.
The same men, however, say they may be shooting themselves in the foot due to several socio-economic reasons.
“Maybe we do not get the love we deserve because we are not physically and emotionally available for our children. By covering this void, mothers are loved more,” a man said.
“We are also culprits in that we abuse our wives, and this will all be in the eyes of the children. So they cultivate resentment towards us,” another said.
“When was the last time you went out with your children for ice cream, pizza, or just church on Sunday? Sometimes it is not about financial support, but these things we do not do,” a husband said.
Experts concur, saying besides the good work of being breadwinners in the home, men must go a step further in supporting their children, so that they don’t feel abandoned by their offspring later in life.
“In our context, men take care of most financial responsibilities in the home. But clearly, this is not enough. There are other needs expected of us by our wives and children. If we do not meet these needs, we shall forever feel like we are loved less,” Founder International Coaching and Mentoring Foundation, Dr. Blessing Duri said.
The message to men is clear, as June, which has been dubbed Men’s Health Month, comes to an end, observers believe men must also be emotionally, spiritually, and physically available for their children, whilst children are encouraged to recognise sacrifices by their fathers.
